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Why I became a Christian
 I was born in a religious and educated family. My parents are very religious, from the childhood, books and newspapers were my hobbies and at the same time Knowing God, searching for him and interesting in religion were my aims.

I have two other educated brothers, more than me, in our library we had more than 1000 books in every categories and I was swimming in those books all the time. With such a background my parents decided to send me to a religious and high level school that was top in religious and science topics. These stages continued from 12 years until 18 years old. I learned many things in science, Islam, Koran and the history of Islam but never I was satisfied about what I had learned. When I was 15 I received the books from one of the most famous shamans “Carlos Castaneda” ( I was his follower approximately 15 years even after his death; his knowledge was about old Indian shamanism. At the same time I had many inquiries about Buddhism. All these inquires in my life happened because of the hidden sense in my heart and mind about knowing and understanding the God and his purpose to create us. I was wondered that what will happen for us and why should we pray him. When I was I started to study bible as it was in our library to find out the truth but I hadn`t success because after studying only 3 pages, My teacher took it away from me and told what is this you are studying? But as he knew me and my mind so he didn`t mention it to me again but to my mother. I hadn`t seen bible again until in Switzerland but I had many Islamic sights about that during my studies in Qom.

I am describing and explaining my mind and my efforts to know the God, so I don`t want to describe about my other educations and experiences. All my efforts and studies in every branch of philosophy, history, shamanism and a medium knowledge about Islam didn`t lead me to real truth and this was the reason which I decided, despite of lack of time, family and other activities, to start in Qom for studying as a Mullah. At that time I thought the If I know more and more about Islam then I will have a sedated mind. The outcome of all my studies and experiences in my life was : Islam is the best and the reason of my restless is the lack of  deep knowledge about Islam, so I started to learn it at Qom. In Qom I realized and learned very deeply about Islam, Koran, Islamic history and the persons who have made Islam. I learned and heard too much and I taught to other also, Islam is the faith of love, equality and peace.

During studying there, I and a few of other students had some question about some parts of Islam`s history, some verses in Koran and some verses that were against the Koran and Muhammad, but our Masters didn`t respond to us and told us that these questions are unnecessary and thinking about them is sin like thinking about the essence of God (in Islam thinking about the essence of God is a big Sin). I had many unanswered questions: why can’t we have feeling about God? Why does not he respond to our prayers and devotions? Why is there such a great cruelty about the women`s right in Islam? If praying to God is a two way relations so why does not he speak to us? Why does Islam describe about heaven and hell with the human literature? Why is God too terrible and we should scare of him? How could it be possible that God be a revenger and a kind at the same time? Why are Muslims killing each other and also other?

I continued the life and being a Muslim though I had many unanswered questions, like all other Muslims. During my cooperation with ……. and entering to many securities district and zones an watching the cruelty, overrun to human rights and many other things (which I was an operative, agent and a voucher in that) again I encountered to those questions. I couldn`t find answer again, all the books were red but the main door was closed likewise. My soul owned everything but silence. I had Money, wife, son, family, home, car, prestige and more important of all „Power”. None of them could give me peace.

When I ran from Iran and came to Switzerland, first time it was in Arche in Winterthur when I heard the word of God and Jesus Christ. His word and language was familiar and acquaintance to me but there were some differences with the words I had heard before but was the differences? I couldn`t find any track and trace from hatred, violence, enmity and odds. Also there were some words that were new, extravagant and beautiful, some points like loving the enemy and praying for enemies. In Koran I had learned that: Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Those who are with him are harsh against the unbelievers but merciful to one another. (Surah Fath verse 29). It means that the Muslims could be kind with each other but should be harsh with none-Muslims.

It was very fantastic for me that thinking about a sin in mind is like doing the sin practically. It was a start point, a jump in my mind and soul. This jump meant for me that thinking, talking and acting in life should be in a right way, what a deep difference!! In Islam thinking about the sin is not sin. Another strange and hopefully point was this: Jesus Christ forgive all the sins through his cross and then he comes to human`s heart. It was very important for me as in the past few years because of cooperation with …………; I had really hurt some persons and leaded them to ruin and naught and according to this I had many tortures in my conscience. This promise that Jesus can forgive my sins and give me a new born when I believe in him and also a new life, was a silence and a peace in my soul and heart.

Attending to all official and unofficial educations which I had and no result to acquire peace in my heart was my biggest problem in life. The word of God gave me peace albeit it was very simple. I could understand and realize the Christian theology because I was familiar with theology and the other concepts.

Believing in Jesus Christ made all my knowledge, mind and soul as a unit like the streams which lead to a river as unity. Jesus broke me and then regenerated me again as his need. I realized with all my soul and heart that Jesus have had a plan for me and my life in whole 30 years past and wants me , my mind and my knowledge for his glory and this is my destiny and fate to be his deacon as I am now. It is my duty to describe what has happened to me to others and help them to know the truth if they are truth trackers. I want to give this peace to all as Paulus did. Always I have this feeling and dream that God has done something to me as done to Paulus. Now I have accepted Jesus Christ as God and the only savior in my life and I know that this faith is dangerous for my family in Iran and will produce problem for them but I believe in Jesus and trust to him and am sure his plans for me lead me to his glory. Every place in this world I am, I will tell about him and teach to others everything I know. What I was and who are my relatives and family is not important because at the end of the world we should respond to lord individually.

Left direction
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Shifteh Ansari
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